Kindergarten Cop
25 winners · 0 left open
Who won the movie?
DeclaredArnold Schwarzenegger
They close by declaring Arnold the winner of the movie.
Apex mountain
DeclaredArnold Schwarzenegger
They say Arnold is at Apex Mountain here, while also giving Richard Tyson his best showing and noting the hybrid kids-action genre’s peak.
Open the full ledger23 more categories, in podcast order↓
The Floyd Gondoli Butter in my ass and lollipops in my mouth award for something
Apparent consensusBrookstone in the mall
The room settles on the Brookstone mall storefront and nostalgic shopping-mall vibe as the most 1990 element of the movie.
What stage is the best?
DeclaredPonytail villains
After comparing several hair types and villain looks, they pick ponytail villains as the best stage.
Great shot, Gordo
Apparent consensusThe nightmare scene reveal of Crisp
They single out the nightmare scene reveal as the most cinematic shot in the movie.
Denethy’s Benihana award
Apparent consensusThe actual location shooting
They treat the on-location shooting as the standout for this category.
Big kahuna burger award
DeclaredMilk
They agree the milk is the best use of food or drink in the movie.
The Steven Seagal shitting on himself award for most unbelievable anecdote from the actual film shoot
Apparent consensusArnold allegedly trained the child actors to be tough and disciplined on set
They focus on the on-set stories about Arnold pushing the kids hard and the strange child interview anecdotes from Premiere.
The Butch’s Girlfriend Award
DeclaredPamela Reed’s eating-and-puking business
Bill says Pamela Reed is very good but that the character’s eating and puking antics are too much for him.
What stage is the worst?
DeclaredThe ending with an elementary-school arsonist and the active-shooter finale
They agree the school-fire finale is the biggest thing that aged badly, with rectal thermometers also getting heavy mention.
Hans Gruber scale
DeclaredCrisp
They rate Crisp as the better villain figure on the Hans Gruber scale, with the mother getting a lower score.
Ruffalo Hannah, Ruben and Partridge overacting award
DeclaredRichard Tyson as Crisp
They agree Richard Tyson is going for broke and overacting hard as Crisp.
The Ed Norton reverse dunk award for did this movie need a random sports scene?
Apparent consensusA dodgeball or other recess game with Arnold and the kids
They say a recess sports scene would have been welcome and fun rather than unnecessary.
The CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford how does take award
DeclaredCrisp is the sympathetic parent trying to get his son back
Bill makes the provocative case that Crisp is the sympathetic figure and Arnold is the one behaving badly.
Casting what ifs
Apparent consensusArnold Schwarzenegger
They run through several alternate casting ideas but keep circling back to Arnold as the right choice.
Best that guy award
DeclaredThomas Rosales Jr.
They shout out Thomas Rosales Jr. for his ubiquitous tough-guy work, while also noting Stephen Park’s appearance.
Deion Waiters Award
Apparent consensusThe girl in the overalls who needs the bathroom
They land on the overalls/bathroom kid as the memorable wild-card child performance.
Recasting couch director city
Apparent consensusJames Cameron
They pitch a much bigger, more ambitious version of the movie with major stars and directors.
Cruiser Hanks
DeclaredTom Cruise
They settle on Cruise as the more interesting replacement because he would play the teacher-role madness more intensely.
What’s your favorite pick in this from this movie?
DeclaredSchwarzenegger vs. Crisp ending fight
Bill wants a full-on final brawl between Arnold and Crisp instead of the movie’s gunfight ending.
Sequel, prequel, prestige, TV, all black cast, or untouchable
Apparent consensusPrestige TV remake
They mostly imagine a prestige-TV remake with a modern cast rather than protecting the original as untouchable.
Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Fergie the Florist, Ryan Rucco, Gus Johnson, Zane Lowe, or somebody else?
DeclaredThe toy-store security guard/driver who dies trying to buy a race-car set
They choose the random bystander/security-guard death as the most memorable nonvillain death in the movie.
Secret handshake club memorabilia for the thing you would want from this movie
DeclaredA full Crisp costume
Bill wants Crisp’s full wardrobe and ponytail look, while Kyle prefers memorabilia from the school itself.
Best double feature
DeclaredTotal Recall
They pick Total Recall as the ideal companion piece for peak-1990 Arnold, with Home Alone also discussed.
Coach Finstock, Mr. Miyagi award for best worst life lesson
DeclaredKindergarten teachers still matter
They land on the wholesome idea that kindergarten teachers can still make a major difference in kids’ lives.